3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
