My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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