Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
