i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
