I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
