I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
