I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
do herpes really smell.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?â€
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
