Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
