So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
