I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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