I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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