Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Dear god my vagina.
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