I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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