he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
