I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
