DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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