i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
