Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
