She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
