Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
