Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
