it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
you never un-have a 4some
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
