We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
