every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
