When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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