There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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