My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Randomize
