I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
