I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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