I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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