I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
