Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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