just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
