I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
