good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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