Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
