community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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