either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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