So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
