my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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