Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So many bounce houses so little time
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I didn't notice because vodka
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
