he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
two words: eviction party
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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