Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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