i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
