when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I've blown a few things in my day
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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