Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
