Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
