i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
That accounts for only three of the penises
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
