we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
