my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
