omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
