First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
