despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
