I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
