Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
