I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
