I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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