How'd it feel making her break her religion?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
