I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
