y did u give ur computer a hand job?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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