Your face is a jimmy john
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
