Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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