You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
it's like iHOP with fire
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
