Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
