i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
