if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
