**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Just cropdusted the office
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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