Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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