How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
