Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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