I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
