Kiss
Puke
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
