During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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