i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
