I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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