I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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